Unexpected crying after a fun day

We had so much fun at my son’s birthday party with all the kids! It was a very nice, but also a very busy day. So many impressions for my son, and all these kids, but for him there was also this idea that he is now a year older and again a bit of a bigger kid. Children may …

3 Things we can learn from Erasmus & Paul

On the photo above you can see Erasmus and Paul. They are a bickering gay couple with an extravagant life. Erasmus is a demanding, popular celebrity who hosts culinary TV-shows and writes cookingbooks. Paul is his insecure partner. Their lives are turned upside down when a ten-year-old boy shows up. He is the grandson of Erasmus. Neither Paul nor Erasmus …

More flow with your kid starts with…

Usually parents come to me for more flow in dealing with their child. Parents want to learn new skills so that they can tackle the problems with their children in a different way. But as I saw already when I was a child, with my own parents and teachers, and now that I’m an adult, often see in my own …

5 Tips to make dressing-times easier

A common battle … children who refuse to get dressed. And of course, it ALWAYS happens just when you are in a hurry in the morning! Where does that struggle come from? Dressing children regularly it has to do with the space we give them. When children experience that they are under time-pressure and have no freedom in their choice …

To use or not to use The Nanny's methods for dinnertime?

Many parents struggle with dinner time. In this video we’ll see an example of such a struggle and how The Nanny deals with this. My Appreciation At the start of this video, we see the disconnection that happens in so many families around dinner time. We see mom and dad are in despair, as well as the children who are …

nadelen van time-outs, time-outs werken niet

10 Reasons why I’m not working with Time-Outs

Boundaries are a healthy thing; we all have them. But how do you make them known to children? How do you set limits? It turns out that it’s not always effective to kindly keep explaining things to your child and your child will just keep on doing what it was doing. You may reach a point of  exhaustion. Or perhaps …

Photo by Shelby Courtney

5 ways to set limits

Some say that you have to set limits by using timeouts, a strict voice, praise or giving rewards.  Others claim that it’s better to leave children free since ‘borders will hinder’ them in their development. What is wise to do? And is there another way? If our children are babies, it helps them feel securely attached to us when we …

Do children really need praise?

By A. Solter Ph.D. We naturally want to encourage children to learn and to feel good about themselves. With that goal in mind, it is a common assumption that children benefit from being praised. But is this assumption correct? Many people praise children with words such as, “Good job,” “Good girl,” “You’re really smart,” “That’s a pretty drawing,” and “You’re …

The Crying-in-arms Approach for Helping Babies Sleep Through the Night

By Aletha Solter, Ph.D. Dutch version     The problem of night waking The problem of night waking ranks high on the list of parents who consult with me. In a typical scenario, the mother has co-slept and nursed her baby on demand from birth on. She has started the baby on solid foods, but feels dismayed and perplexed when …

Understanding Tears and Tantrums

By Aletha Solter Confusion about crying Many parents find it hard to understand and accept their children’s tears and tantrums, and are confused by contradictory advice they have read. On one hand, much of the advice in parenting books is based on the assumption that crying and temper tantrums are behaviors that should be discouraged. Some people assume that these …

Don't hit your child

10 reasons to avoid corporal punishment By Aletha Solter, Ph.D. 1. Corporal punishment can lead to aggressive behavior. Children who are spanked are more likely to hit and bite other children, become playground bullies, and have violent outbursts as adults. 2. Corporal punishment can lead to rebellion. Children who are spanked are more likely to rebel against their parents and engage …

Babywearing

10 reasons to wear your baby! Babywearing is the act of wearing your baby close to your heart in a carrier, sling, ringsling or meitai. I so love it. So what is it that I love about it? Well.. Here’s 10 reasons to wear your baby!   1. Health of Baby Close physical contact and skin on skin contact are so important for newborns! It’s one …

What to do when you feel angry with your child?

Do you ever feel angry with your child? Do you have moments where you feel frustration bubbling up inside, like a storm is coming? And are you wondering what to do when being angry with your child?These are feelings many parents struggle with from time to time. At least I do at times feel angry or upset. Aletha Solter writes about this: “Even with …

Passionate about Parenting

So, I’m passionate about parenting. Why am I so passionate about it? One of the reasons is that it helps me to find joy and connection. Aren’t there any struggles in my days? Aren’t there any challenges or frustrations? Yes there are. I know very well that feeling that bubbles up, that impatience that fuels my frustration. That is, until I shift …